Post Traumatic Flashbacks

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The door slid along the carpeted floor. I entered the rectangular office with off-white walls and wooden furniture. On the bookshelf, I found welcoming gifts from the foundation.

Sandwiched between two hardcover books, I read the title of a popular book from my college years. I blinked twice and smiled.

The leadership team had placed a copy of Dr. Joy DeGruy’s book Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America’s Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing in my office. Upton Press published the first edition of DeGruy’s book in 2005, when I finished my undergraduate degree.

In those first few weeks after being abroad for eight years, I read and wrote about DeGruy’s perspectives. I submitted an article for publication reflecting some of my observations, and the journal’s editors rejected it.

I saved the article in a folder on my desktop and returned to it this week.

DeGruy argues that Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome (PTSS) is the pain transferred between generations of enslaved Africans in America. It manifests itself through harmful thoughts and behaviors in response to individual and systemic oppression. Reading the book after spending time abroad gives you a new take on her perspective.

Confirmation bias occurs when we look for phenomena to fit a preconceived belief. While reading about PTSS, I viewed some of my first days back in the States through the pages and positions of DeGruy’s book.

Flashback example #1…

In January, I sat in a plastic orange chair at a California Department of Motor Vehicles facility. While I waited to complete the driver’s license application, I nodded to acknowledge another Black man. He replied with a death stare into the depths of my soul.

Moments later, I observed another brother at the counter. He twerked while listening to music on his phone’s speaker and waiting for service. I couldn’t get his attention.

I left with a temporary driver’s license and permanent memories tucked in the corners of my brain.

There are days when fictive kinship resembles fiction. We don’t make eye contact or greet each other in public. Instead of interacting like distant families drawn together by tragedy, we interact as strangers and sometimes enemies.  

Flashback example #2…

When riding the train home from work one day, my eyes widened and ears perked when a father boarded the train with his son. He repeatedly asked the preschooler, “Are you okay, baby? Do you need anything?” The child replied, “No, Daddy,” and smiled.  

Several stops later, an automated message announced my train’s arrival at one of the Sacramento Rapid Transit Authority stations.

After I crossed the crosswalk, the family’s loving exchanges stayed with me. I took the concrete stairs to the parking lot and kissed my wife.  

The love expressed among some Black families offers corollaries to the theories in DeGruy’s book. While trauma lingers, moments of joy outweigh the baggage of oppression. Acts of kindness and affection convey hope for present and future realities.

Making sense of it later…

It took twenty years to find work as a “scholar.” My journey, which started in the University of Illinois at Chicago’s Black Studies department, took me to Ethiopia, Brazil, Mexico, the Caribbean islands, several more countries, and back. As the Umoja Community Education Foundation’s Scholar in Residence, I write articles, lead professional learning workshops, and mentor community members.

Four months have passed since I opened my office door for the first time. I'm gaining momentum in writing tasks; these blog posts help clarify ideas.

Awareness of race, age, gender, and the intersectional relationships between other identity markers often influences African-centered education and critical race theory researchers. While we acknowledge various social constructs as fabrications of white supremacy, it isn’t easy to separate reality from fantasy.   

We must maintain vigilance when confirmation bias clouds the quality of observations. Contrary data is essential to correctly identifying findings, understanding conclusions, and proposing policies from research.  

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