Stay Hard After Juneteenth

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We want to stay hard. The barbaric practices of castration during and after chattel slavery in the United States remain ingrained in the psyche of some. Among others, trauma, fear, and masculinity constructs have enabled the erectile dysfunction market to exceed 2.6 billion in revenue this year.

David Goggins’s slogan, “Stay Hard!” encourages men to push their minds and bodies to extreme levels to instill discipline, gain confidence, and earn manhood. His words work. When I run, I often listen to audiobooks, podcasts, or a playlist featuring music and motivational speeches from Goggins and other notable speakers.

Masculine ideals of super strength challenge and comfort me during dark moments on empty trails.

What if I told you that our identity reinforces the basic human need to survive? Every expression of ourselves reflects the stories we internalize as truth. We desire to join communities with others like us because we want to feel secure. 

While news of emancipation reached Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865, the desire for freedom and security persisted. It passes between generations and manifests in various forms. An example lies in the constructs of identity. 

Emile’s story

I listened to Emile’s story on the Wondery podcast, This is Actually Happening, while out on a long run. Six minutes into the episode, he described how his dad abused his mother. At three years old, he found himself in the middle of a brutal physical fight between his parents.

The frequent instances of domestic battery led to divorce.

After a stint of living with his grandmother, he moved in with his dad. For a while, Emile experienced relief from his traumatic childhood. His father, a physician, enrolled him in a private school, and they moved into a spacious home.

Weekly, the police stopped Emile’s dad. His father drove an expensive car, supported by his work as a medical doctor, but it raised suspicion among racist cops. The harassment humiliated his dad and fostered awareness of racism among Emile and his siblings.

While in school, Emile fought other boys who made racist remarks. Although punished in school, his father applauded him at home for his courage as long as he didn’t throw the first punch.

Life changes, violence, and respect

When his dad lost the home and medical practice, the family relocated to a lower-income community. While out on the block one day, a dispute about how to throw dice convinced Emile to shoot two people. The violent lessons taught by his dad and survival strategies adopted from his new environment led to prison.

With vivid detail, Emile shares how his interpretation of masculinity placed him behind bars for a sixty-seven-year sentence. He refused to show weakness and developed a reputation for ruthlessness. The desire to prove himself or embody hardness pushed him toward selling drugs and becoming a violent enforcer.

In prison, he found Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words, “Make your own Bible.” It inspired him to study religions, reflect on his values, and develop his writing skills. For ten years, he submitted stories and essays for publication.

The feedback he received from editors enabled him to make a compelling case for clemency. He wrote his way out of prison and gained new perspectives about masculinity, race, and justice.

What is staying hard?

Ask several men how they describe someone as “hard,” and you will receive multiple definitions. For DeWeaver, it meant doing whatever he said he’d do, including selling drugs, taking care of his child, and hurting anyone who threatened him or his family. Goggins interprets ‘hard’ as rigorous daily workouts, taking ownership of responsibilities, working diligently, developing one's mind, and honoring one's word.

DeWeaver and Goggins had abusive fathers, which influenced their understandings of masculinity. One took teachings to prison and left as an author and advocate. Another went into the military and transformed himself into an ultramarathoner and motivational speaker.

It’s difficult to assess whether either men or any man has lingering ancestral trauma in their souls. Although I’ve authored posts, articles, and books discussing diverse masculinities, I’ve yet to see an empirical study exploring ancestral trauma and manhood constructs.

Masculinity constructs can foster discipline, destruction, and desire. If we listen to the right messages, it can teach us to do the hard work and recognize the fragility of life. We must align ourselves with actions that support the best version of ourselves.

Do what’s hard and advocate for vulnerable populations after the protests, holidays, and your community moves on to other pressing issues.  

Here’s another perspective. Regardless of what we do on this earth and the people we surround ourselves with, every human body will go hard. Rigor Mortis occurs without any effort.

Whether you identify as soft, hard, or somewhere in between, learn something new this Juneteenth weekend. Buy Emile Suotonye DeWeaver’s book Ghost in the Criminal Justice Machine: Reform, White Supremacy, and an Abolitionist Future. Read one of my books and continue to seek growth by subscribing to this blog.