Cornell, Capoeira, Community
Action is the answer. Procrastination prevents progress. When life’s tests arrive on your desk, review your choices and respond.
We must do better to prepare boys for manhood. Consider the number of men in US prisons (AI estimates 1.8 million), suicide rates among men (nearly 4x higher than women), and cases such as “The Cornell 7.” On multiple levels, we have failed individuals identifying as men.
Some of us have embraced patriarchy, rejected self-improvement, and empowered our genitalia to dictate our thoughts and behaviors.
All of us need guidance toward living promising and productive lives. Current events demand a response.
The case involving a woman, 7 young men, and Snapchat provoked perspectives and stirred familial conversations over the last couple of weeks. My wife and I have talked about masculinity constructs, groupthink, and social media with our children.
Last week, my middle son asked me for permission to download Snapchat. I said no. My response had nothing to do with the Cornell case where fraternity brothers used the platform to advertise assault and recruit accomplices.
I didn’t allow Snapchat because he has enough distractions, including other social media accounts. Learning and readjusting to life abroad are the top priorities.
Spending hours scrolling and talking to friends, followers, and bots isn't the best use of a teenager’s downtime.
While social media can foster connections and offer entertainment, overuse can breed isolation, narcissism, and poor choices. Too much screen time can interfere with developing empathy. Our addiction to the online world is weakening our abilities to connect.
The Cornell fraternity brothers failed to see Jane’s humanity, and the university reinforced their decisions by issuing inadequate consequences. One alleged accomplice received a reflection writing assignment and a mandate to lead sexual assault prevention training.
Institutional inadequacies reinforced the need to model healthy masculinity and invest in more meaningful time with my boys. Last weekend, they came with me to the Ujima house where I offered my first capoeira class on the island. My sons co-taught capoeira’s basic movements and musical elements in the organization’s living room.
As part of the university’s Community Action Day, we led a workshop for a group of teenagers.
Throughout the week, the son who wanted Snapchat joined me for 4:30 AM workouts at the gym. I hope his fitness discipline carries over to situations beyond sports.
The Cornell case came up on our ride home from his first football (soccer) practice in St. Maarten. From our previous talks and his independent searches, he knew about the tragedy. I reinforced the importance of respecting women, living with integrity, and avoiding groupthink behavior.
Today is a test.
One action each of us can take is to critique the strengths and weaknesses of how we are socialized to become men. Then, we must engage in conversations about sexual assault, pledge to make continuous improvements, and model the corresponding behaviors. The moment to act is now.
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